What do movie people do?

So you're looking for a gig working on a low budget movie. The ad looks pretty exciting. But what do those words actually mean?

The LA Grind has the (true) answer. For example:

Assistant Director
Implied Position & Responsibilities: Create schedules, keep crew and director on schedule for the day, contacting late crew members, sending out tomorrow’s schedule.
Actual Low Budget Requirements/Expectations: Assist the director by getting coffee, dry cleaning, picking up food for the rest of the crew.

Stop banging your head on the desk, Johnnie. It is funny.